Apparently 'Off Duty' doesn't apply for the Boy-Who-Lived
by cherryblossom1999
Summary: Take a holiday to New York, they said. It will be fun, they said. It'll be peaceful there, they said. Well, fuck this, Harry thought, dodging yet another one of those creepy ass alien hybrids.
1. Chapter 1

Apparently, 'Off-Duty' doesn't apply for the Boy-Who-Lived.

Take a holiday to New York, they said.

It will be fun, they said.

It'll be peaceful there, they said.  
_Well, fuck this,_ Harry thought, dodging yet another one of those creepy ass alien hybrids. The very second he had portkeyed into an abandoned, derelict warehouse in the middle of New York, he knew instantly that something was very, very wrong.

Although Harry had very rarely set foot in the Muggle World since he had defeated Voldemort two years ago, he definitely knew enough to realize that no, there were not supposed to be screaming throngs of people scurrying around like lost insects, and no, there were not supposed to be weird mutant alien hybrid creatures scaling the buildings like freaking ninjas.

As soon as he stepped outside and saw the giant blue portal in the sky, thoughts ran through his head in quick succession.

_What in the name of Merlin is that?_

_Are you shitting me right now, I'm supposed to be off duty._

_Ohmygod are those aliens? Seriously? Ron is going to freak out when I tell him this.  
Aw shit I think that person's gonna die, I better do something. _

The next second, Harry was leaping into the fray, his faithful holly and phoenix wand clutched in his hand, blasting every alien he could see into smithereens.

"What. The. Fuck." Harry grunted, casting a powerful reducto into a group of aliens that seemed to be trying to shoot a red and gold figure on the ground. His spell caused the six or so aliens to slump to the concrete with a flurry of blue sparks and the very conspicuous figure to jump back onto its feet. Harry blinked in astonishment as the man-looking figure covered in red and gold armour swung its armoured head to look at him.

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful and all for saving my life, but who the hell are you?"

Harry rolled his eyes at the man and swung around to blast yet another alien onto the ground. "I'd really like to explain, but maybe later, okay? Nice seeing you." And, leaving the man spluttering through his helmet behind him, Harry apparated to where the portal seemed to be sourced from, a giant tower with the letter A plastered on it.

Harry landed gracefully on his feet, looking in curiosity at the machine in front of him. An alien behind him leapt at him, and he batted it aside without glancing at it. "Not now, E.T, I want to know what the hell this is," he murmured, strolling around the machine. It looked very powerful, radiating a hum of electricity that Harry could feel sparking against his magic.

Harry reached out with a tendril of his magic (a cool trick he had learnt from Hermione a few months ago), and surveyed the machine. Although it seemed to have some sort of shield surrounding it, like all armour, it had to have a chink somewhere, a hidden flaw.

Just as Harry reached around with his magic, he sensed something behind him, and reacting instinctively, whipped around and pointed his wand at a slim, red-headed woman in a very skin tight outfit, who reminded him vaguely of Ginny.

"Who the hell are you?" she asked, her voice smooth and dangerous. Harry sighed (because really? He was trying to save people here) and turned his back on her. "Not a threat," he replied, and went back to studying the machine.

He could feel the woman's eyes on him, but he knew that even if she tried, she wouldn't be able to hurt him.

"Aha," Harry muttered to himself as he found the chink. "So if we put my wand there…"  
Harry carefully prodded his wand near the weird-ass blue glowing cube thing, and cast a silent _Sectumsempra, _hoping it would do the trick. With a loud humming noise, the portal closed, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

When he turned around, the woman was gaping at him.

"Hi, yeah, sorry, just gotta get rid of all these creepy alien things now, so…"

Harry turned on his heel, and with a loud _crack_, apparated.

Within half an hour, all the rest of the aliens were dead, Harry had cleaned up the mess, and was now being stared at by the red head, a blonde man with a bow (but who used bows and arrows nowadays?), a timid looking man with no shirt on, the armoured man from before, a huge blonde with the biggest biceps he had ever seen, and a buff blonde with a spangly blue and white outfit.

"Erm…." Harry said, because they didn't look like they were going to be talking any time soon.

"I apologize for our lack of manners," Spangles said, blushing slightly. "I'm Captain America."  
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Uh….. nice to meet you?"

Cap looked slightly astonished. "You don't know who I am?"

Harry, feeling slightly bemused, shook his head. "Should I?"

The rest of the group all stared at him disbelievingly, until a black car rolled in, bringing with it a black man wearing black clothes who seemed vaguely familiar.

"Excellent job, team," he said, giving brusque nods to everyone who all nodded back. His gaze eventually landed on Harry, who stared back, trying to pinpoint exactly where he had seen this person before.

"Potter?" the man spluttered. "Harry Potter?"

Harry cocked his head slightly, grinning as it finally came to him. "Nick Fury! That's who you are! I remember now!"

Red head glared at Harry. "How do you know Director Fury?"

Harry shrugged nonchalantly . "He tried to get me into this thing called the Avengers a while ago. I refused. That's about it."

That was when the jaws hit the floor.

Harry looked around. "What did I say?"


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Hey guys, thanks for much for the reviews and favourites for this story so far. I'm still really new to this website so forgive me if I don't really know how to do anything. There's definitely going to be a few more chapters to this story, but I really have no idea how many. I could keep babbling on for about fifty chapters but I'm pretty sure it would get fairly boring, so I wont do that. Anyway, I'm pretty sure there will be NO SLASH in this story. There will be Pepper/Tony and probably Jane/Thor. **_

Harry was pissed.

Actually no, pissed was a severe understatement. He was about two seconds away from going into his 'Fuck everyone step away' mood, which was what Ron liked to call it. The last time he went into that mood, he had destroyed nearly half of the Forbidden Forest and it had taken a hell of a lot of grovelling on his part to get Hagrid to stop looking at him like he had murdered his favourite puppy.

He wasn't even supposed to be in this bloody city! Seriously, he just pretty much saved a bunch of lives and his reward was getting shoved into a room with Nick Fury and the team he was now slowly realizing was the Avengers.

The next time he saw Kingsley, he was going straight for his wand.

So here he was, sitting in a stiff black chair (was everything around this place black? Really?) in a giant floating ship, surrounded by assassins, norse gods, 'iron man' who wasn't really iron but some other metal thing, spangles, and his life was so fucked up, seriously.

"Look," Harry sighed, leaning back and propping his feet on the table in front of him. "I'm just here on vacation. It's been interesting."

Stark snorted, his armour now off his goateed face in full view.

"How old are you, kid?" He asked, surveying Harry disbelievingly. "You look like you should still be in school."  
Harry bristled a little, because he wasn't _that _short. "I'm an adult," he said shortly. "And you're not exactly that tall yourself."

Stark looked surprised for a second, then his face stretched out into a grin. "I like you," he said, leaning over to slap Harry on the back so hard he nearly doubled over. "And you just saved my life, so I figured I should be a little grateful. Midget, you have the Stark seal of approval."  
"Oh brilliant," Harry said dryly. "My life goal has now been achieved."

"So," Spangles said tentatively. "How did you do all those things? Are you from Asgard? I've never seen a normal human do the things you do."

Harry flinched a little, a bit insulted at the 'normal human' part. "I'm completely human," he said coldly. "I was born on Earth, raised on Earth, and I'll die on Earth. Just because I can do things others can't doesn't make me anything else. I've never seen a normal human jump over eight cars and land on a truck, Captain, but somehow I don't believe you're alien."  
Rogers looked taken aback, red rising up in his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he hurriedly added. "I didn't mean to offend you."  
"Although my fellow Asgardians would be honoured indeed to have borne this valiant warrior, Harry, son of Potter, is not of Asgard. He is of Midgard, as are the rest of you. However, I am much baffled to the use of his sorcery. It is not unlike that of my brother, Loki." Thor boomed, because he seemed incapable of speaking in normal human decibels. Harry grinned a little at him, because he reminded him of Ron a little, albeit without the cape and the weird way of speaking. Plus, Thor reminded him of a huge, overgrown puppy.

It was at that moment that a giant holographic screen shot up just a few inches from Harry's nose. Harry pushed his chair back a little and his wand appeared in his hand instantly.

"Relax, short stuff." Stark said, grinning at him reassuringly. "Is that you?" he added, pointing to the screen, which was now showing a huge picture of Harry himself in seventh year. Harry was looking away from the camera, his hair tousled, with the Gryffindor sword in one hand and blood splattered across one cheek.

Harry grimaced. "Who the hell took that photo, anyway? I look like an idiot."

"If I recall correctly," Fury answered with the slightest tinge of amusement in his voice. "A young boy took a few photos like this. Colin? Colin Creasy?"  
Harry felt a pang, deep in his stomach, remembering innocent, blue eyes and that hopeful, puppy look. Remembering the coldness of his skin, the utter lifelessness- "Creevey. Colin Creevey." He corrected, trying to keep his voice steady. The rest of the room seemed to notice, however, and didn't meet his gaze.

Meanwhile, Banner was flicking through his file with a look of awe. "The wizarding world? You're a wizard? How do we not know about this?"

"Statute of Secrecy," Harry answered promptly. "But since it's pretty much been shot to hell now, anyway, you may as well read through the files."  
Harry waited as the rest of the team flicked through his file, noting their reactions with interest. The two assassins barely seemed to show any reaction, except for a low whistle from Barton. Thor just read through everything without giving two shits, but since his brother was pretty much high on magic all the time, it was kind of understandable. Rogers looked dumbstruck by all he was reading, and Banner and Stark looked like the information they were processing was going against their religion. Seriously, their faces were Oscar-worthy.

"Harry? Harry!" A shrill voice came, out of nowhere, and everyone jumped. Fury, Romanoff and Barton had guns out immediately, looking for the source of the noise. Harry held out his hands in a peace gesture, before reaching his entire arm into his pocket (Stark's eyes popped out of his head), and drew out a mirror. Hermione's face filled the screen, her hair somehow seeming bushier than normal, and her brown eyes wide and concerned.

"Hermione!" Harry exclaimed, giving her a cocky grin and a wave. "What's up?"  
The people in the room with him gave him an incredulous gaze, except for Fury, who just looked on with his usual unfazed expression. Harry rolled his eyes and gave them the 'yes, I am talking to a mirror, what are you gonna do, arrest me?' expression before Hermione's voice rang loudly in his ears.

"Oh my MERLIN, Harry, you have no idea how worried I was, I heard you went to New York for a vacation and my Mum and Dad just told me that it's getting _invaded _or something by _aliens _and I didn't believe them but they showed me the news on the television-"  
"The what?" another voice cut in, and suddenly Ron's flaming hair was there too, hurriedly getting pushed away by Hermione's hands.

"Oh, _honestly, _Ronald, the television, I showed it to you only last week!"  
"Oh, that weird thing Muggles use? Of course I know what that is, wait is that Harry? Oh hey Harry! Can you believe this woman, honestly, what sort of a word is television anyway?"  
"Ron, the word television is not that difficult to understand, just because _your _brain capacity is too feeble to comprehend it!"  
By this point, most of the people in the room looked completely baffled. Stark, for one was cracking up, bending over the table and taking great, wheezy breaths.

"Hey, mate," Harry said. "Hermione, I'm fine, I'm alive, everything's cool. Nothing really happened-"  
Here, Rogers eyebrows floated up to his hairline, and Agent Barton snorted. Loudly.

"And I'm kind of in the middle of something, so I'll talk to you guys later, okay? And tell Kingsley that the next time he sees me, he better run. Bye!"  
Harry shoved the mirror back into his pocket, ignoring the squawks of disbelief it was emitting, and looked around at the Avengers. "Right then. Where were we?"  
"Who's Kingsley?" Agent Barton asked curiously, looking at Harry like he was a puzzle. Harry shrugged (he seemed to be doing a lot of that today) and said "The Minister of Magic. Basically your equivalent of the President."

"You threatened the President?" Romanoff asked starchly.  
"Yeah, we're mates. His kids hate me, though. Ah, well." Harry looked at Fury. His vacation time was running out, and he really just wanted to leave. "Can I go, now?"  
Fury just looked at him. "No, Potter you may not. You came to my city, unannounced and used powerful magic to slaughter about sixty percent of the Chitauri. You need to be debriefed."  
"Whoa, whoa whoa!" Harry said, bristling. "You're making me sound like a threat, _Director." _

"Aren't you?" Fury replied, fixing his eye on Harry unwaveringly.

_Dick, _Harry thought. "No, I'm not. And you certainly didn't think so when you tried to _recruit _me into your top secret boy band before, either. I refuse to be debriefed, I refuse your offer to join the Avengers, _again, _and I would rather to be let off this weird ass Howl's Moving Castle instead of fighting my way out."  
"He never offered for you to join the Avengers again," Banner said after a brief silence.

"No, but he was going to. So, are we done here?"

Fury glared at him a moment more, then sighed. "Look, Potter. You're the only magic user on this ship right now. We've attempted to interrogate Loki already several times, and failed. He keeps tricking us somehow. I'm asking you to try, then you're free to leave. Do we have a deal?"  
Harry looked at the Director of the top secret government agency in the world, who was asking him to interview a possibly insane, powerful half God, and thought how he just really, _really _wanted a holiday.  
Aw, screw it.

"I accept," Harry said, rising out of his chair. He sighed, long and heavy. He had an interview with a god to get to.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Hellooo my fellow nerds This is the what? Third chapter? Sorry if you're waiting for my other stories to be updated- I'm kinda hooked on this one at the moment, but I'll get those done later, I promise! Here's my take on Harry interviewing Loki. Harry's his usual, sassy self and Loki's just a little bitch, and I love them both ^.^**_

Loki looked somewhat different than what Harry was expecting.

He had never seen the God before, and he never liked stepping into something without knowing about it first, so he had read thoroughly through Loki's file, but the photo they had of Loki himself was of a man in a flashy green cape and the weirdest helmet he had ever seen. The photo quality was terrible- what was it taken with, a potato?

So Harry had asked a few SHIELD agents he had run into (who looked like those serious, spy-type people, but in reality were actually wannabe James Bonds… well, most of them, anyway) but hadn't really gotten a clear image of what Loki looked like.

"Massive, I swear, bigger than the Hulk-"  
"Kinda like a reindeer, you know? Just less… reindeerish…"

"Tiny. Just like a tiny man, but really annoying-"

"Blonde hair, like Thor-"  
"Jet black hair, he was like a vampire-"

"He could shoot laser beams out of his eyes, I swear-"

And Harry's personal favourite: "Loki? Who's that?"

For the top government agency in the world, they had some really incapable agents.

In reality, without the flashy armour and cape, Loki looked just like a man. He was sitting with his back to the wall of the cell he was in, his black hair hanging in front of his eyes. He was dressed loosely in a T-shirt and tracksuit pants, and Harry would have thought he was asleep if he hadn't seen the slight hitch in his breathing when Harry entered the room.

Now the raven-haired boy stood, feet shoulder-width apart, outside the cell where the alien who had just tried to destroy a whole city was trapped.

As he stood silently assessing the god, mocking laughter filled the room, and Loki's thin shoulders shook.

"Well, well, well…" he said, his voice impossibly smooth. It was amazing how three words could hold so much contempt, Harry mused absent-mindedly, watching without a word, as Loki got to his feet in a fluid motion. He rather reminded him of a snake, Harry thought, and then shivered as an image of Voldemort flashed into his head.

"Another agent, I presume?" the god spoke, peering at Harry through the thick glass. "_Very _unimaginative, though I have to say, I never expected much from SHIELD."  
"Oh, yes?" Harry asked mildly. "What exactly did you expect?"

Loki smiled tightly, his face devoid of any humour, the expression sliding onto his face like quicksand. "Torture, perhaps," he said, no longer looking at Harry but gazing at his fingernails, almost bored. "An attempt to appeal to my good nature. Pathetic attempts to coerce me into giving important information.

Nothing that I have not yet encountered from your petty race."

Harry laughed a little at that. "Petty? _You're _calling _us _petty? You tried to take over an entire planet because you had daddy issues. Please."

Loki looked a little taken aback, and Harry wondered vaguely what his previous interrogators had been like. Had all of them been too afraid to tell Loki to shut his gob?

"Enough of your foolishness," Loki hissed. There was a brief flash of emerald green light, much like the killing curse, and suddenly there were a dozen Loki's sitting in the cell. They all looked up at Harry, and there was the same condescending expression on their identical faces. "Go ahead, agent." They spoke in unison. "_Interrogate us." _

Harry looked at him for a second, then shrugged and pulled up a chair. He could have conjured one, of course, but he didn't want Loki knowing of his powers yet. He shifted uncomfortably on the white plastic, silently casting a cushioning spell on it before leaning back and crossing his legs.  
"What I want to know," Harry began, his tone light, playful, nearly bored, "is how someone like you could even think that you could achieve all of this."

"You know nothing about us, mortal."

Harry raised an eyebrow at Loki – him and his illusions. "Oh, don't I? Loki, son of Odin, brother of Thor."  
One of the illusions scoffed, while the others merely grinned a little to themselves. "That is hardly impressive, agent. Common knowledge, to be exact."

Harry tutted, wagging a finger admonishingly. "Hold up there. I'm not done yet. Patience is a virtue, remember?"

"_Patience is a virtue?" _Bruce Banner repeated incredulously, staring at the holographic screen displayed in front of him. "Is he insane?"

Tony and Clint were guffawing loudly, Natasha had her lips tilted slightly in a smile, and Steve was trying hard to contain his laughter. Thor was looking at the screen, smiling but with a faraway look in his eyes. "My brother looks surprised," he said, quietly. "I very much doubt that he has been spoken to in such a manner, and by a mortal…"

"Yeah," Tony grinned, leaning back and regretting not asking for a box of popcorn before the interview began. "But then again, Harry isn't an ordinary mortal, is he?"

"Son of Laufey," Harry continued, watching with a sense of satisfaction as Loki's head whipped around in a complete 90 degree angle. "You were taken in by Odin, after he slayed your father. You were given the nickname 'God of Lies and Mischief', and learnt dark magic by the Sorcerer Eldred. And, for some reason," he continued, looking on in amusement as Loki's mouth dropped wider and wider. "You own a wolf, and named it Fenrir. Terrible name, really. I once knew a wolf with a name like that. Ended up going mad, well, he was mad from the beginning really, and tried killing a bunch of people."

Loki and his illusions were on both feet now, bristling angrily, their eyes slitted and dangerous, even their hair standing on edge.

"Who are you?" Loki gritted out, his smooth voice changing, turning brittle, sharp, _afraid. _"No mortal has knowledge of that information. Tell me, _now!"_

Harry rose to meet him, vanishing the chair he was sitting on with a wave of his hand. Loki's eyes tracked his movements, shock clearly visible, his illusions flickering like a bad TV screen. Harry was no longer mild and unthreatening. His expression hardened, the mask dropping off his face with quick efficiency. His eyes glowed, his posture straight, his wand appearing in his hand. Green eyes met green as the sorcerer and the wizard stood before each other.

"I'm Harry Potter," he said, and parted his hair so Loki could see the scar that had shaped his whole life. "You know me, don't you?"  
Loki took a step back, almost unknowingly. "Harry Potter. The Boy-Who-Lived."

Recognition flooded Loki's face, before he and his illusions all doubled over, chuckling darkly. The room was flooded in a chorus of mad laughter, the noises fading as one by one the illusions vanished with a small _pop!_

"Oh, this is _brilliant. _An honour to meet you, Mr. Potter."

Harry glared at him now. "I don't care who you think you are, Loki Laufeyson. You've come to my planet, you've hurt the people here, and I'll be damned if I let you get away with it. Now you're going to tell me what SHIELD needs to know, _now._"

"Is that so?" Loki grinned, running a steady gaze up and down Harry's figure. "What will you do to me, Saviour of Britain?"

Harry stared at him, judging his next move. Oh, what the hell, he thought, and apparated into the cell.

Loki jumped, whirling around to face Harry, who had his wand out straight, pointed towards Loki's face.

"Don't push me," he said, voice harsh and dangerous. "You have no idea of what I am capable of, do you? I was in a war, Asgardian. I led an army from the age of fifteen. One person hurt the people I loved, and it took me seven years to track that bastard down and kill him. For you, I reckon it won't take that long. Don't you agree? Now," Harry leaned in close, so they were almost touching. "I don't care what petty grudge you have. You may be a god, but I know mortals who are a hundred times better than you, in every aspect. You are despicable: a child who lords his possessions over others, as if that would fill that void inside yourself. I can get information out of you right now. I could crash into your brain and pick out every little thing, every dirty secret you've ever tried to hide. I can do all that- and more. Or, you can just tell me what I want to know. Your choice, really."

Loki was staring at him, and his face looked blank, but Harry could see the tightening around his eyes, the near unseeable flash of fear in his faltering gaze. Reaching out using Legilimency, Harry jabbed hard into Loki's mind, just to prove he could.

"Well?" he asked, and his magic whirled around him in a crackle of electricity, tossing his hair up and giving him an unearthly appearance. "I'm getting impatient here."  
"Fine," Loki spat out, his voice sharp as venom. "I'll do it."

Just like that, the wind died down, and Harry was grinning once again. "Terrific! Excellent, really. You are actually rather cooperative, you know? Ah well, all in a days work, I suppose. What's the time? I'm hungry. I'll be off, then. And remember…" Harry's eyes glowed briefly for a second more. "Don't hurt anyone from this planet, ever again. Or I'll _personally _pay you a visit."

Before he could see Loki's reaction to his threat, Harry whirled around and with a _crack _he was sitting on the lap of Clint Barton, who, along with everyone else in the room, jumped.

"Oh, sorry," Harry said nonchalantly, climbing off and finding his own seat as everyone around him relaxed. "I do that sometimes. Nothing personal," he added to Clint, who slid his knife back into his boot. "Anyway, I think you'll find your little prisoner a little more cooperative from now on. Anyone up for tea?"


End file.
